Night Cap

Setting: Living room of an apartment, hooks hang on the wall, empty, a sofa with a few colorful pillows, dining room table near the couch, and a dead body center of stage, lying face down, there is a kitchenette in the corner of the stage with glasses set up and a wine bottle.

Characters:
Afia
 Dan Joseph (DJ)

[Enter: Afia and DJ, laughing. DJ takes his shoes off and pulls off his coat and puts on the hook, he's mid-conversation. Afia stopped at the doorway.]

DJ: And then my boss has the nerve to tell me, “Go back through the files and highlight everything that references this case file. [sweeps hand in a crossing motion] Instead of that case file.” [Bursts out laughing] I just finished busting ass, highlighting this goddamn case file and he drops a different coloured highlighter in my desk and says to go through and find some other case file, and I'm already goddamn high on highlighter marker ink. [Crosses the living room stepping over the dead body and walks to the couch and looks at Afia] Do you need to be invited in or something? Come. [Pats his hand on the couch] I won't bite.

Afia: Are you seriously pretending you don’t see the dead body?

DJ: [Incredulous] What dead body?  [Looks around]

Afia: That one! [Walks to the center of the stage pointing] This dead body right here.

[Beat]

DJ: Is that a dead body?

Afia: I don't want to touch it, but I'm sure it's a dead body. [Pause] We have to call the cops.

DJ: Maybe it’s just a passed out homeless person who took refuge in my apartment, you don’t know their life story. [Crosses his leg and leans his arm on the back of the chair]

Afia: In that case we should call the cops anyway! This is a breaking and entering! Clearly!

DJ: [Looks around] Come Afia, let him rest, I bet he’s purty tired.

Afia: He's dead, he can't afford to be tired. [Gets on her knees] Ugh, he smells.

DJ: Of course he smells, now can we drop the dead body subject. And get me a glass of chardonnay, if you would be so kind.

Afia: [Stands back up] Are you being serious right now? Is the fact that your – no our apartment – is a crime scene even going to phase you?

DJ: Our apartment? [Stands up] Look, Afia, half a dresser of your clothes and a toothbrush does not constitute dropping an ‘our’ apartment. This is my apartment.

Afia: Oh it’s our apartment when you want a blowjob, but it’s your apartment when there’s a dead body on the floor. [Walks to the kitchenette and looks back at him] You didn’t even chill your wine. DJ. A dead body and unchilled wine. If you're trying to unimpress me you're doing a spectacular job.

DJ: [Shrugs] It's been cool lately, I didn't think I needed to chill it.

Afia: You're a fucking piece of work you know that? It's room temperature and it's not even that cold in the room. [Pours two glasses of wine and immediately chugs hers down, pouring another one] Disgusting, room temperature.

[There is a long pause as Afia stares into the glass and DJ is watching her.]

DJ: Haven’t you had enough to drink tonight?

Afia: [Head shakes a little] I think you confused me for the sluts in the tube tops drinking shots. [DJ scoffs] Yeah I saw you looking, you not even going to try and deny it, are you?

DJ: They were being rowdy! [Walks to the kitchenette and grabs his glass, swiveling it.]  You know I only have eyes for you, sweetpea.

[Afia leans against the kitchenette, sipping her glass, facing the dead body. DJ has his back facing away from the dead body.]

DJ: You know night cap’s usually end on a happier note. [Scoffs] You haven’t even taken your heels off, all the dirt is going to get in my carpet.  [Chugs his glass]

Afia: Please, your carpet is probably soaking in all the blood and odors of decomposition and you’re worried about a little dirt on my shoes mucking up your carpet. [Finishes off her glass and pours another one.] I prefer my heels on, thank you.

[There is another long pause, both are silent]

DJ: This is nice, don’t you think? [He slides his foot up her leg.]

Afia: The dead body isn’t going to go away, Dan. I'm not having sex in an apartment with a dead body.

DJ: [Mocking] I'm Afia, I'm up for anything if you're up for it. Isn't that what you said?

Afia: [Sets the glass down] I'm sorry if a dead body is a little too weird for me. I'm going to leave you two.

DJ: No, Affy, please don't go. I was kidding.

Afia: I’ll call a cab. I’ll pay for it even, you don’t have to do a single thing.

DJ: Haven’t I been good to you? Hasn’t this nice just been lovely? You've been so beautiful and so happy, and now you're mad. Please, baby. We should end on a good note.

Afia:  If you're asking for sex, you might as well just have it with the dead body. [Mocks DJ’s laugh. She walks to the door, lingering a little.] I wonder if the stairway will be far enough where it won't be weird.

DJ: What won’t? [There is a pause and Afia leaves.] You never said what! Crazy... bitch. [DJ pours himself another glass.] You aren’t much for talking are you? [Raises his glass toward the dead body.] Whatever.