Tommy

I stretched my arms as I ran down the hill, my bottom lip buzzed “Brrzzz! Airplane landing!” I screamed as I crashed into the freshly grass. It had an overpowering smell and made my skin itch, but i loved grass all the same. I relaxed my body and laid in the grass and I closed my eyes counting to myself: one, two, three.
“Hey wake up, silly!” A voice called and my eyes opened wide and my mouth grinned, Tommy was beside me, his warm smile, like always. He wore a yellow t-shirt and blue jeans, his shoes were a dirty white, like always. We sat in silence for awhile, him picking at the grass and I stared at the clear sky.
My mom sat at the top of the hill, reading one of her new books. Her same grass-stained dress, her same beach towel, she made our trips to the park identical every trip. It was checkered blue and white - except for the green grass stains. It was her only dress she felt comfortable washing day in and day out, she said if it ever ripped she would use the fabric to make something else. She caught me watching her and waved, I returned the wave, then lowered her head and returned to her book.
“How long do you think I can stay down here before she gets worried?” My voice felt weak, I ripped out a chunk of grass and threw it in the air, the more nervous I got, the more grass I pulled - I never wanted to tell Tommy I only came to the park to see him. I started to scrunched the ripped grass into a ball and threw it in the air, it fell like confetti. Tommy laughed and watched as I continued pulling more grass - I hoped he'd never leave. The smell filled my nose after awhile and I remembered after school my father would come home from work, he smelled like grass too, his shoes were always green from mowing lawns every day. He looked at me with tired eyes, the kind of sunk in sadness no one could fix, but my mom tried.
“Not long, maybe. You should go up, soon.” His eyes twinkled, my cheeks felt warm, I continue to watch her though. “Is something wrong?” He finally asked, “Maybe you should go to your mommy, you look really pale.” His fingers were close to mine, "Please." He watched me.
“But I wanna stay down here with you!” I whined, looking at him, he was only slightly bigger than me, but he always knew what I was thinking and he was still my closest friend, even if he should hang out with kids his age, he always hung out with me instead. He turned and faced my mom, and I glanced at her as well.
My mom focused on me, then back at her book, for the first year, the only books mom bought were the kind that told you how to get over loss, they had pictures of people staring off into space, like mom did whenever we were outside - she never noticed but I watched her smile at me, then turn and look away. She stared at me for a long while. “Do you want to call it a day?” She called out, her hand flung on the floor, looking for the bookmark.
Tommy looked at me, “Stop worrying about me, bestest, I always come to tell you goodnight, remember?” He beseeched. I knew he'd be there, but I never saw him.
I watched the sun in the sky, it was getting closer to bottom, what mom called the horizon, then back at Tommy who smiled at me. “Bye, Tommy.” I finally said and ran up the hill and fell down, hugging her leg, “I wanna stay.” I said. I turned my head toward Tommy who was staring at us.
She giggled and knelt down, “I have another game we can play on this hill, do you want to?” She pulled my shirt down and brushed some of the grass off of my outfit. I nodded, going like a bobble-head. My mom kissed my forehead and laid down near the edge of the cliff, “Okay lay down like mommy.” She instructed, crossing her arms and looking at me as I copied her, she looked like those mummies at museums who always cross their arms, it made me giggle. With one arm she pushed herself, rolling down the hill like an unstoppable boulder, she was on her way to crash into Tommy, I could already see it. My throat felt too dry to scream and I closed my eyes, when I opened them again my mom was waving her arms and I couldn’t see Tommy. I started to choke and cry, I curled in a ball. I heard my mom run up the hill and her arms wrapped around me.
“Honey what’s wrong?” She asked, touching my cheek and forehead, “Did a bug bite you?” I cried louder, my throat felt raw and I panted as I breathed in, she looked more worried, “You must be thirsty and tired.” She whispered to herself and bit her lip. She packed our picnic supplies and held them with one arm and carried me with the other, by the time we got to our car she was out of breath. I looked at her, I felt dizzy and ready to pass out.
When we reached the house she sat me on the dining room table, giving me a big glass of water to drink and pulling out the fever reader. I drank the water halfway and she kissed my forehead, “You don’t feel warm.” She said, touching my cheek with her hand. She kissed my forehead and nodded to yourself. "Did something happen?"
“I feel better now mommy.” I said, my head was lowered and I watched my feet dangle. She nodded and walked to the cabinets, opening the doors and looking through them.
“What do you feel like having for dinner, honey?” She moved swiftly through the kitchen as she asked.
“My tummy isn’t hungry mommy.” I whispered.
She stared at me for awhile then walked over, “Do you want to go to bed then?” She murmured, her voice a lullaby. I nodded, looking at her and frowning. She picked me up again and walked me to my bedroom, and then tucked me into my sheets. She looked ready to cry as she stood over me, brushing the hair out of my face. “Are you sure you're alright, my love?” She pressed, her eyes wide as she watched me carefully. I looked at my hand for awhile before I make the ok sign with my thumb and pointing finger, she got up and waited at my bedroom door, staring at me as I looked at the ceiling; glow in the dark stars were stuck on the top, I always fell asleep staring at them,  I tried waiting until they vanished but I usually fell asleep before then. After a long time, she closed the door and left. I hurt my neck to look around. Tommy’s hand appeared first from the closet, then the rest of his body, the closet door creaked open.
“Hi Leslie!” He said, grinning widely. He stepped over my stuffed animals and stood.
I kicked off my bed covers and ran to hug him, giving a quiet giggle. “I thought you were gone forever.” I whispered to him. I didn’t stop looking at his face, wanting to remember every part of it, but every time I try and remember, he always changes: freckles that weren't there before, a nose that gets a little bigger, eyes that change colors. His eyes were blue last week and this week they are brown.
“I would never leave you, silly.” He said, putting his hands on his hips, “You just forgot about me, is all.”
I shook my head, “My mom was gonna crush you, I saw her.” I retorted, my hands on my hips, the same way my mommy looks at me when she knows I’ve done something wrong, the way I look at Tommy when he's being silly.
Tommy looked at me and shook his head, waddling to my bed and sitting on the edge of it, “Your mom couldn’t crush me if she tried.” I followed him, sitting beside him.
“Then why did it take you so long to come back?” I asked, my eyes felt like they were burning.
“You were busy with your mommy. I can’t take that away from you.” His voice was soft like mom’s, a lullaby. He looked at me and gave a nervous sort of smile, the kind where a frown peeks through no matter how hard you try.
“But I wanna be with you more than my mom.” I whispered.
He shook his head again, “You aren’t alone when you’re with your mom.” His hands reached for my cheek, "The only family you have is her."
“It feels like I’m alone though, sometimes I wonder if she even sees me.” I whispered, sniffling. It was silent for the longest moment; I could hear my mom trying to be quiet about cleaning the dishes, but I heard clattering all the same. “I miss my dad. Mommy’s different without him.” I took a deep breath, “She looks at me different, like she…” I stare off in the distance, “Like she’s remembering.”
Tommy looked at me, he was talking but no words came out, all I could hear were my own thoughts, I wanted my dad back, I wanted my mom back. “Mommy!” I cried out.
“Honey?” She called out, I heard quick steps and the door pushed open, she stared at me from the doorway, and one arm was all soapy and the other was watery.
I looked at her, I felt heavy and on fire. “Nevermind.” I said, getting back in bed and looked at my night stand. A small picture frame of my father when he was a child laid beside me, all the adults called him Thomas, but I knew him as daddy. I thought I heard Tommy say “I love you,” but it could have been my mommy too. The silence like banging pots and pans. My mommy left, Tommy left. I closed my eyes and waited to fall asleep.